Choose strength not shame
Ben Foss at TEDxSonomaCounty
Jun 19, 2014
1:46 Realizing that I have strengths I can play to
decide if I was ready to go to the edge and try on a new version of who I was
3:29 move to doing life by your strengths because
We should be measured by what we can do, not by what we can’t
3:55 Goya: The Spanish Inquisition
8:40 you are going to fail without context
that lack of context leads to a script that you are lazy or stupid. And that gets embedded because at this time in your life the concrete of your personality is wet, and something that lands in it hardens there and will take later work to get it out
11:08 What they’re trying to say is you can’t do this
11:28 When you’re trying to get rid of shame you do not want to do this on your own.
The point of not being shamed is not being isolated. So you want a coach.
12:34 My favorite illiterate of all time: Socrates
In Phaedrus he specifically warns against the writing down of language.
He said it will make us forget the memories of our souls.
He wanted us to be in dialogue, like in TED, to be here in person, but it wouldn’t have been as effective.
Basically Socrates was against Facebook and Tweeter.
14:43 Shame is feeling bad about who you are. An immutable characteristic that you can’t get rid of or it is a pattern that would be very hard to break.
16:34 I was proud because I changed the narrative
I wanted to believe that I was competent
17:35 I could have gone for three scripts:
I could have gone for blame.
I could have gone for contempt, and
I could have gone for comparison
Those are the negative scripts.
Instead I went for “This is hilarious!”
19:44 I want them to play to their strengths
As they grow up, they’re going to be given negative scripts. They could internalize the scripts.
I want to learn how to bring out her strengths